The Poxhole News Daily Distress UK Satire

The Poxhole News

Here at The Poxhole News, we cater only for true patriots. If you’re some kind of lefty, do-gooding, woke, yoghurt-knitter, sod off and read the bloody Guardian with the grown-ups. We aren’t interested in you. You must really hate our bloody country, you vile, little, communist twat. If, on the other hand, you happen to …

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Brit Trek Lost in Space Award winning satire from the Daily Distress

Brit Trek – Lost in Space

The crew of the Spivship Enterprise are on their way to Metabilis-3, or so they think. This time the Brit Trek bunch really are lost in space. Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Spivship Enterprise. Its four year mission. To gaslight new worlds. To seek out new spaffs. And destroy civilisation. …

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festival of brexit st cleve chronicle daily distress satire

Festival of Brexit Plans Revealed

The St. Cleve Chronicle lands a national scoop as it reveals that Saint Cleve has been chosen to host the Festival of Brexit. The announcement may come as something of a surprise as the small village was up against several major cities in the bidding process. However, thanks to some tireless lobbying and a substantial …

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brexit heroes on the bog daily distress satire toilet humour

Brexit Heroes on the Bog

Brexit Heroes on the Bog: Even though the architects of our Brexit triumph might appear to be superhuman, they still need to visit the smallest-room once in a while. There’s no shame in that. Everybody in the world, apart from The Queen, has to go from time to time. Have you ever wondered what our …

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countdown susie dent and paul zenon

Countdown Conundrum – Is Channel 4 Brainwashing Our Grannies?

Countdown, Channel 4’s long-running, mid-afternoon gameshow would, at first sight, seem to be the most harmless show on television. The game, which involves solving word puzzles and doing sums, has long been seen as harmless entertainment for the old and the unemployable. But could a sinister secret be lurking behind the Countdown Conundrum? Former actor …

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brit trek christmas special daily distress satire

Brit Trek – Christmas Special

In the last, thrilling episode of Brit Trek, the insipid Captain Berk and his disloyal crew got caught up in a tacky reconstruction of Apocalypse Now and made a dark pact with Colonel Cummings. This ongoing story-arc may or may not be revisited at some point in the future. In the meantime, we find the …

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the crap brexit sketch daily distress monty pythin

The Crap Brexit Sketch

With sincere apologies to Monty Python, The Daily Distress proudly presents the Crap Brexit Sketch. Please note that there is some mild swearing. [A CUSTOMER ENTERS A SHOP] Mr. Praline: ’Ello, I wish to register a complaint. [THE OWNER, WHOSE NAME IS BORIS, IGNORES HIM] Mr. Praline: ’Ello, Miss? Boris: What do you mean “Miss?” Mr. Praline: I’m sorry, …

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the apprentice political special daily distress satire

The Apprentice Political Special

For obvious reasons, the BBC was unable to make the traditional Autumn series of The Apprentice this year. Unable to afford celebrities and scared to endanger civilian lives, the nation’s broadcaster of hearts was forced to resort to having politicians as contestants. The Apprentice Political Special followed the traditional format of the show with suitably …

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abolish the driving license lance flitwitt daily distress

Libertarian Party Calls for End of Evil UK Driving License

The UK’s Auction Party which styles itself on the right-wing US Libertarian Party has called for the abolition of the British driving license. Former actor turned political activist, Lance Flitwitt tells Daily Distress readers why he believes that the driving license represents an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy. The Chase As a seventeen-year-old, my greatest ambition …

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brit trek daily distress satire

Brit Trek

UPTV (Unspeakably Poor Television) is proud to present a brand new space opera – Brit Trek! Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Spiv-ship Enterprise. Its four year mission. To create strange new worlds. To seek out new scams. And destroy civilisation. To boldly go where no bugger has been daft enough …

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daily distress exclusive government procurement plans revealed

Government Tender Plans Revealed

In a world exclusive, The Daily Distress reveals a government document laying out plans for its new tendering process. Explanatory Memorandum to Procurement and Tendering Act (2020) 2020 No: 1984 Introduction 1.1) The purpose of this document is to outline some jolly important changes to the way that the government spends the taxpayers’ hard-earned cash. …

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Auction Party

New Political Party Launched

Hi, I’m Lance Flittwit, star of stage and screen. You’ve probably seen me in such classics as The Night of the Giant Hamsters and Skippy Goes to Bangkok. You will have loved my cameos in The Bill and Casualty and may even have caught my legendary performance in The Old Harrovian’s Gang Show. If you’re …

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Doctor Who and the Jelly Babies

Doctor Who and the Jelly Babies

Cast and crew Jodie Whittaker as The Doctor. TV’s Bradley Walsh as Graham. Tosin Cole as Thingy. Mandip Gill as Wotsit. Joey Essex as himself. Tom Baker as Tom Baker. Sacha Dawan as <Spoiler Removed> Epilogue A BUSY LONDON STREET TOM BAKER: Ah, I say! Young man! Would you be so kind as to direct …

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shepshed university extremism course daily distress satire

Learn Extremism Like a PRO!

Are you looking for a new career as a pain in the backside? Are you tired of thinking? Do you find reality confusing and overly nuanced? Do you simply want to troll the internet? Do you want to learn extremism like a true pro? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then …

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daily distress new uk phonetic alphabet

UK to get New Phonetic Alphabet?

An influential “think tank” has revealed plans for post-Brexit Britain to get its own uniquely British version of the irritatingly international NATO phonetic alphabet. The entirely unelected and unrequested group, Phobos, have declared that the days of “alpha, bravo, charlie” are due to end. The leader of Phobos (the paramilitary wing of The Bullingdon Club), …

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