It was only ever a matter of time before China took its revenge on the UK for the recent Huawei snub. While the government were fully unprepared for an economic backlash, nobody quite expected a bizarre new form of biological warfare.
In a plot that could have been lifted from any of the too many Jurassic Park films, Chinese agents are sneaking around Britain, planting dinosaur eggs.
The ancient eggs, reactivated by intense exposure to 5G signals, have the potential to hatch into fully-grown prehistoric monsters.
Unlike birds’ eggs, dinosaur eggs do not require careful incubation. They simply need a warm, muddy environment and a British Summer offers the perfect conditions.
The inscrutable spies aim to unleash a wave of reptilian carnage, the like of which the nation hasn’t seen for millions of years.
The fiendish plot could certainly explain recent sightings of pterodactyls in Warwickshire and Wiltshire. The real concern, however, is that Britain could soon be crawling with tyrannosaurs and velociraptors. An influx of giant, flesh-eating reptiles could stretch Britain’s already beleaguered emergency services to the absolute limit.
A government spokesman said that plucky Brits should keep calm and carry on. “Nobody really enjoys being ripped to death by a 20 foot reptile, but we need to focus on the positives” he told us. “Dinosaurs stalking our streets could be a wonderful shot-in-the-arm for our struggling tourist industry. The Japanese, in particular, are absolutely wild for this kind of thing.”
Keep ’em Peeled
People are being asked to remain vigilant and are requested to report sightings of any dinosaurs or their eggs to their local council. Police have advised the public not to approach any dinosaur directly as they are potentially quite dangerous.