Countdown, Channel 4’s long-running, mid-afternoon gameshow would, at first sight, seem to be the most harmless show on television. The game, which involves solving word puzzles and doing sums, has long been seen as harmless entertainment for the old and the unemployable. But could a sinister secret be lurking behind the Countdown Conundrum? Former actor Lance Flitwitt, now Honorary Professor of Anti-Social Sciences at Shepshed University, believes that dark forces are at work. Could Channel 4 be secretly brainwashing Britain’s plucky grandparents?
Just about everybody’s mother or grandmother has one thing in common. Every weekday afternoon, they arm themselves with a cup of tea and a biscuit and settle down for a nice game of Countdown.
It all seems quite harmless. Nick Hewar, Susie Dent, the lovely Rachel and a minor celebrity chat away as two non-descript contestants try to unravel the words and numbers between commercial breaks. To the casual observer, it would seem to provide the perfect granny-sitting service. But, be warned! As with all things on the so-called fourth channel, there is a hidden leftist agenda at work.
The games seem innocent enough. The contestants have a free choice as to the number of vowels and consonants selected. This prevents the sinister, tree-huggers from injecting their toxic propaganda into the regular letters rounds. Similarly, the numbers game is controlled by a computer named Cecil. As we all know, computers cannot lie. But when we reach the final round, the Countdown Conundrum, things are not left to chance. We only have to look at some of the words that have been selected for the final round to see the true nature of the show.
In the course of the last 7,500 or so episodes, I have noticed a marked tendency towards liberal dog-whistling in the words that have appeared. Sometimes the solution will be an obvious leftist rallying-cry such as SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM or UNIONISED. On other occasions, we have words that can only be seen as a thinly veiled critique of our government – AMORALITY, FEUDALISM and ETHNICISM have all appeared in the last 20-odd years. Coincidence? I think not.
More alarmingly, we have seen the Conundrum used as an extreme form of social control. The word VACCINATE once appeared – a clear instruction to abandon one’s sanity and accept the injection of Bill Gates’ microscopic microchips. Ask yourself this: do you really want your ageing mother to be running on Windows 10? Would you like your grandmother to shut down for “important updates” at inopportune moments? I know damned well that I don’t! I am British and I will not countenance such tyranny.
Worse still, we have the guests in Dictionary Corner. Normally, it’s just some jolly old thespian reeling out a few anecdotes but every now and then, they send in the hard-core bolsheviks. Let’s look at some of the regular contributors.
Matt le Tissier – a continentally monikered footballer who has never played for Millwall.
Magnus Magnusson – an Icelandic intellectual.
Ernie Wise – a man who partnered a northerner.
Mo Mowlam – a do-gooding peacenik.
Angela Rippon – some woman who worked for the Brussels Broadcasting Corporation.
Tom O’Connor – an Irish spy.
Stephen Fry – a suspiciously brainy homosexual.
Doctor Phil Hammond – a self-confessed advocate of immunisation.
The list goes on and it’s pinkoes all the way down. The program has never once featured Nick Griffin, Oswald Moseley, Priti Patel or any other member of the moderate right, let alone a true libertarian trail-blazer like Donald Trump. This sort of media-luvvy bias comes as no surprise to anyone, of course, it’s all too common in this horrible, touchy-feely age of racial equality and votes for women.
The Countdown Conundrum
It’s altogether more subtle and insidious than that, though. They frequently bring in magician and mentalist Paul Zenon – a man who knows all that there is to know about psychic manipulation and hypnosis. He is so good at it, in fact, that we are forced to assume that he was trained by the KGB. As he performs his seemingly harmless card-tricks, Zenon is sending out a whole string of subliminal messages.
He silently implores us to bow to the will of George Soros and embrace the evil European Union. The last time he appeared I distinctly felt the words “Stop being a juvenile twat and take the bloody vaccine” enter my head. If his evil powers can penetrate a mind as powerful as my own, just imagine the effect they could be having on dear, old Grandma!
If this is not the most compelling argument ever for defunding the BBC, I don’t know what is. And I have plenty.