The Daily Distress’s satirical articles.
There’s no need to get triggered by anything, we target extremists and idiots of all political persuasions. Left or right.
If you worship any particular politician, don’t read what we have to say about him or her. Your time would be better spent either finding an article about one that you don’t like or seeing a psychiatrist about your self-esteem issues. Either are good but one is free and the other is stupidly expensive, so do the first one.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un has come up with an exciting and practical alternative to delaying the 2020 Olympic Games. It was initially suggested that the games be held in 2021, but even a twelve-month delay cannot guarantee that the event will remain unaffected by the pandemic. Problem solved The Supreme Leader, however, has an …
Our socially-distanced reporters bravely hit the streets, once again. to ask the Great British public what they think: Today’s question was “Should we reduce the recommended social distancing target from two metres to one metre?” Lucy Nguyen, 31, computer programmer, Gloucester: I wear a face mask so I don’t have to worry about other people. …
There has long been talk of a 5G/Coronavirus connection. There is a widespread suspicion that the 5G network is distributing COVID-19 and now it appears that this may only be part of the story. We asked Anton McLaughlin, Professor of Parapsychology at Shepshed University to share his findings: Daily Distress: Welcome, Professor. We believe that …
Our socially-distanced reporters hit the streets to ask the Great British public what they think: Today’s question was “Given Lord Baden-Powell’s apparent support for Hitler’s National Socialists, is it time that we removed public monuments to the founder of the Scouting movement?” Patricia Paulsgrove, 68, retired ice-cream vendor, Portsmouth: The Hitler thing doesn’t really bother …
Scientists have warned of the exponential growth of a new subset of Covid-19, the Corona-vert. Whilst the new viral strain doesn’t share the deadly properties of its progenitor, Corona-verts have been known to reduce grown men to tears and are believed to be responsible for a rising epidemic of smashed television screens. Official data has …