Trevor Scroggins, singer and lead tambourine player with generic boy band The Blowfish Boys has finally hit the headlines.
The band, who formed in 2015, have completely failed to trouble the pop charts. A succession of anodyne, saccharine-coated singles have failed to impress critics and fans alike. Their debut album “Sushi Chops” has frequently been described as the most tragic waste of bandwidth in human history.
The group’s manager and impresario, Seamus Borthwick has kept faith with his protegees, in spite of rumours that the venture has left him with debts approaching a million pounds.
“I’ve always known that they had a great tune in them, somewhere”, he told us. “And the new single De-da-de-da-dum-dum is a stone-cold classic!”
Things took a turn for the bizarre, however, when Borthwick and Scroggins went looking for locations for a promotional video for the new song.
.”We were checking out coastal locations, a little way outside of South Shields”, explained Borthwick. “All of a sudden, I heard a strange humming noise, looked up and saw a huge flying saucer. Then this great big beam came out of the bottom of it. The next thing I knew, Trevor was being lifted up into the craft. Fortunately, I had my camera with me and was able to take a picture to provide irrefutable proof.”
“Once Trevor was on board, the spaceship sped away straight upwards. That was the last thing I saw of him.”
“It’s tragic that the story of The Blowfish Boys should end in such a mysterious way. But hopefully De-da-de-da-dum-dum will provide a lasting testament to their unremarkable career and fans will rush out and buy it as a way to remember Trevor. There’s every chance that the boys will end up as the nation’s Boy Band of Hearts.”
In an unrelated incident, South Shields police are believed to be trying to identify the body of a man believed to have been thrown off a cliff. “We’re having a hard time working out who it is”, an officer told us. “We’ve shown his picture to thousands of people and nobody has got the slightest idea who it is.”