It’s Big Chief ICU back with a special new spotters’ guide.
The rotten, old government won’t let us go to football matches just now. I know that’s a bit mouldy for all of you.
They won’t let me go to the pub, either, so I’ve had plenty of time to prepare my new spotter’s guide: Big Chief ICU’s Book of Football Fans. As usual, it’s freely available for a stamped, addressed envelope and a postal order for two and six.
If you can’t wait for your copy to arrive, though, here’s a sneak preview:
Football matches attract all sorts of strange fellows, here are just a few of them. See how many you can spot!
5 Points: Statto
10 Points: The Manager
20 Points: The Commentator
25 Points: The Pessimist
30 Points: The Posh Gentleman
40 Points: The Potty-mouth
100 Points: The Celebrity Fan
Learn more about football
Football is our national game and it’s important that my young Indian Braves know as much about it as possible. Otherwise they will not be able to hold their own conversationally when they are old enough to visit their local hostelry.
Fortunately, Big Chief ICU has prepared a collection of simple guides to the noble art of Association Football all of which are available from the usual address for the usual fee. Order now to guarantee disappointment.
- Big Chief ICU’s Guide to ACCAs and Football Coupons
- Big Chief ICU’s DIY Satellite TV Secrets
- Bash the Bookies with Big Chief ICU
- The ICU Book of Football Firms
- Big Chief ICU’s Up-skirt Collection*
*Not, strictly speaking, about football, but definitely of interest to all young fellows.
One Last Thing …
Big Chief ICU is organising a Blue Peter style appeal for good causes. If your mummy and daddy have any unwanted jewellery, please package it up and send it to the usual address.
Your donations could help to prevent a disastrous drought in the West Midlands!
Happy hunting, young braves!