Yorkshire Cribbage League Division 12 Play-off Final: Ullesbridge 8 Barnstoneworth 1
Barnstoneworth’s slender promotion hopes were finally extinguished last night as The Worthies stumbled to an embarrassing defeat at the hands of newly elected Ullesbridge.
What had been predicted to be a close encounter soon turned to farce as Worthies skipper, George Sattersthwaite, was skunked in the opening leg, citing an “awful run of cards.”
Some observers, however, were less forgiving. “Sattersthwaite was all over the place as usual” confided the Club Secretary who requested not to be named. “Twice, he was called for muggins, missing out on both heels and nobs and much as I hate to say it – and I do – that was only the tip of the iceberg. His pegging was clueless and some of his discards beggared belief. I’m not entirely convinced the gentleman can actually count up to fifteen!”
Sattersthwaite, however, defended his performance: “The cards weren’t great” he mused, “and their chap were in hellish good form, slipping that 5 into his own crib were a right clever move”.
A handful of die-hard fans continue to support the captain but following seven consecutive relegations and a failure to bounce back from the bottom flight, many now feel that it’s time for a change at the top. “George has always been a bit shite, to be honest” said one member of the Worthies Ultras, “Just sack him!” added another.
With the season now over, the Worthies have a three-month window in which to rebuild their squad before they restart life in Division 12. The club have issued a desperate appeal to anyone in the Barnstoneworth area to come along for a trial. “Whether you can think you can play or not” said Club Treasurer Mavis Withershaw “there’s a fair chance that you’re better than this lot that we’ve got now. Eight-bloody-one! I ask you, eight-bloody-one!”