absolved

Absolved

daily distress UK satire humour

Congratulations! You are now significantly more likely to pass your interview with Saint Peter! Our dedicated team of penitents are already hard at work paying for your internet misdemeanours.

Your details are now logged with Saint Peter who will happily apply the Absolution Solution discount to your final reckoning. You are closer to Heaven than you have ever been before!

We do, of course, need to remind you that, unlike humans, God does see a world beyond social media. We strongly recommend that you go around being nice to people in your rare moments of not being on the internet. It may sound trivial, but these things really do matter to The Lord.

We have also been told that God is particularly fond of people that sign-up for our weekly newsletter and will pretty well guarantee salvation to anyone who sends us entries for its Cat of the Week slot. In the immortal words of The Beatles, you know that can’t be bad!