10 Things you Never Knew About Bunnies

Last week we asked our new columnist Katie Bobbins to write our editorial. What a mistake, that was! Katie’s vitriol certainly upset the bulk of our readership in one way or another.

But Katie is a great writer and she did actively beg us for work, so this week, we’ve given her a far less contentious subject: bunny rabbits.

Surely, she can’t find anything nasty to say about some of the world’s cutest creatures …

daily distress UK satire humour
Awww!

1 Rabbits were first brought here by the Romans but didn’t get properly established until the Normans let them loose late in the 12 Century. That means that they are less English than me, but probably more English than you!

2 Bunnies are vegans but happily they don’t go on about it, the way that trendy-lefty libtards do. And they’re not lesbians, for that matter.

daily distress UK satire humour
Too cute for words!

3 Filthy, foreign, long-haired, beatnik pacifists Jefferson Airplane had a hit with a song called “White Rabbit” in 1967. I suspect that it’s more about drugs than bunny rabbits.

4 Decent, honest, albeit working-class, English duo, Chas and Dave had a hit with a song called Rabbit in 1980. That was about one of their wives talking too much. And let’s face it, many women do. Especially feminists.

daily distress UK satire humour
Ohhhh!

5 Rabbits come in many different colours. It goes without saying that the white ones are the most intelligent and socially responsible.

6 Rabbits are mostly harmless but they do have a tendency to breed at an alarming rate. Rather like poor people. Except that rabbits are mostly harmless, of course.

7 The Latin name for a rabbit is oryctolagus cuniculus. It is little wonder that the Romans never invaded Scotland as it took them so much time to talk about rabbits.

daily distress UK satire humour
I want one!

8 Bunnies are vulnerable to a disease called myxomatosis. Australia once controlled its rabbit population by deliberately introducing it. This gives me an idea, but the PC brigade won’t let me share it with you.

9 Rabbits are wonderful for target practice but don’t mention this to limp-wristed, animal-rights types as they will get all upset and splutter over their muesli.

Item 10 has been removed on legal advice. In fact, we refuse to believe that even Adolf Hitler ever did that to any living creature, no matter what Katie thinks.

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